< proof of age? >
WHEN a friend's grandmother had a 95th birthday, relatives flew to Texas from all over the
country to celebrate. One daughter, Emily who was 70 was flying in from San Diego and
called the airline ticket agent to request a senior-citizen discount. Since proof of age
is required, she asked the clerk what he would accept. "How about a note from your
mother?" he said jokingly. A few days later, Emily arrived at the airport with a note
from her mother attesting to her age.
As she handed it to the amusedclerk, Emily commented, "It's not often a
seventy-year-old woman has to have a note from her mother to do anything."
--Contributed to "Life In These United States" by Dora E Fotino
< Waiting Line >
A FRIEND WAS WAITING for a fraternity brother who was dropping his girlfriend off at her
dorm. It was curfew, and the housemother flicked the porch light on and off to hasten
their good-by's. Getting no results, she marched out to the porch, where the couple was
locked in a heated embrace, and tapped the young man on the shoulder. "Sorry,
lady," he said,
briefly looking up. "You'll just have to wait in line like everyone else."
--Contributed to "Campus Comedy" by Vicki Shields <COLLEGE BALL>
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats
in the crowded stadium and were watching the
action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take
his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I
expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I
ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I
accept!"
<FINAL EXAM>
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the localuniversity.
The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was
very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours
would not be accepted and the student
would fail. A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor
for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated
sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed
them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last
student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class.
He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked
incredulous and angry.
"Do you know WHO I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Perfect," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams,
stuffed his in the middle, and ran away. |
|
< Test >
I WAS TAKING microbiology at the University of Nebraska. The lab work was taught by a
bubbly, enthusiastic teaching assistant. One day she announced that there would be an exam
the next week. The class moaned loudly, so she began to jump up and down like a
cheerleader, exclaiming: "Come on,everyone!
Give me a T, give me an E, give me an S, give me a T!" A student interrupted,
yelling, "Give me an A!"
--Contributed to "Campus Comedy" by Leon Freeland
< Panda >
A panda walked into a restaurent and ordered a dish. When he was finished, he pulled out a
shotgun and began to shoot all over the place. After 10 minutes shootout, all glasses and
bottles broken and scattered. Stuned, the bartender asked the panda leaving the place,
" Who are you?" " i'm panda. Look it up!",
he replied over his shoulder.
The bartender pulled out an encyclopedia and started to look it up in hurry. As he got the
word, it reads " panda : animal originated in Asia. Mixed in black and white. Eats
shoots and leaves"
<Car Wreck>
A rabbi had a terrible car wreck and was rushed to a local Catholic hospital. After the
doctors patched him up, he recuperated in the orthopedic ward for several weeks. As he
recovered from his injuries he became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there.
One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She
asked him good-naturedly, "Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?"
"Oh, sister," chuckled the rabbi, "I just figured one suffering Jew in this
room was enough."
< Computer As An Engagement Ring >
One evening, my friend Tim took his girlfriend, Mary, out for a romantic dinner where
conversation turned to marriage. Tim had been saving for an engagement ring but he was in
graduate school and in dire need of a computer. Mary was understanding, telling him they
had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer
instead.
During dessert, Tim suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned. After she collected herself, she looked up and prompted,
"Don't you have something to ask me?"
Tim then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a
computer?"
< Misdriving >
Early one winter morning, as I was driving a city bus, I turned onto a slippery side
street, and the vehicle began to skid. It slid through an intersection, over a curb and
onto a front yard, stopping just outside someone's front door.
As I stepped out of the bus, a man standing in the doorway of the house called to his
wife, "Honey, were you waiting for a bus?"
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